So here I am at another important crossroads of my life’s journey. I think I can say with the utmost confidence that each of us has our own version of hell. I am no exception to this rule, I too have had my own version of hell. My life has not been an easy one, far from it in fact. I have experienced more heartache and loss then I care to recall.
Many of you have asked what’s my “story” ? Why do I do what I do today? What were the reasons I changed my career and made it my mission in life to help those hurting or struggling to make it through just one day of their life?
So here’s my answer: I have struggled tremendously in my life. I know what it is like to hit rock bottom, the thoughts that run through your head on those rock bottom days when you first wake up are “do I live today, or do I end it today?” Ever been there? Maybe you are there now. For the good part of two years I was suicidal almost daily and have attempted several times. I was in a psychiatric hospital 10 times in a two year time span.
Rock bottom is a super scary place to be. I am here today by the grace of God and the love and support of 3 amazing people in particular Mynde (you can find her on twitter at @MyndeMayfield), Stacey, and Ali. These 3 people in particular simply refused to give up on me. They were there in my darkest hours, were there when my behavior was anything but loving and saw the good in me long before I ever saw it in myself. If it was not for these 3 amazing friends and support team I can say with almost 100% certainty I would not be here today. I am and will forever be grateful for their presence in my life.
If you are one of the ones that may read this entry and be where I was, struggling to hang on, I am here to tell you there is help and hope. I will not tell you it will be easy because it will not. It might even be the hardest thing you ever do. However what I will tell you is this, you choosing to get help and make your life better will be the most rewarding journey you will ever take. It may not feel like it at the time, however you are a survivor!
Is my life easy today? No, far from it. Are there days when I still struggle and am in emotional pain? You bet. In fact honestly very little has changed in my life over the last few years, the trauma and situations are still there I am just learning more coping skills to deal with the things and situations life throws my direction.
I’m not perfect, just like you. I’ve made mistakes (big ones in fact), just like you. I’ve done things I regret, just like you. What I am learning is that we all do the best we can with the skills we have and the situations we were under at the time that whatever happens that we have done that we think is so horrible. You are not bad, evil or wrong, sound familiar? (things I told myself over and over for years). Please don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself credit for all the good that you are doing. Some of you may be thinking there’s nothing good I have done today. I beg to differ. Don’t look for big huge things, start small. Did you get out of bed today even though you wanted to hide from the entire world? Did you eat even though you did not feel like it? Did you answer the phone when a friend called instead of letting it go to voicemail? All of those “small” everyday life things are huge, don’t discount them.
Take one day at a time. You can find happiness again, I promise. If I can find it, I know you can too. It may not happen over night however if you are willing to reach out and do the work you will find it. And if you think you have no support or place to turn, please know you have already got one person believing in you, and that is me!
As I look at my life today and all that I have accomplished, I am truly blown away. If you would have told me two years ago that this is what I would be doing with my life, I would have probably look at you rolled my eyes and said “yeah right.” I am two semesters away from graduating from college for the 2nd time doing what I love. In May 2010 I will graduate with a degree in Human Services/Social Work specializing in Family Intervention and Addiction Studies. I am more proud of this then anything I have ever done in my life! It was not easy and there were a lot of bumps in the road along the way, however I stuck with it and did not give up and now here we are almost done! I must say this is the greatest feeling in the world.
So, if you are one of the ones that may read this and feel it resonate with you, please don’t give up. Reach out and get help. There are a lot of amazing compassionate professionals out there who are willing and ready to help. And if you are like me and a professional yourself and think that professionals can’t or should not get help, I thought the same thing, I understand the fear however one of the most courageous things you could ever do is get help for yourself. There is no shame in that and what I have found is that people will respect you more for it because they will see you as human with struggles just like them. Even though I am a professional I still have my own team of professionals that I work with so that I can continue to heal my own life. I am grateful for each of them because they support me in my ability to continue doing what I love!
If I can support any of you on your journey with anything, even if you just want to chat and have a support buddy and someone who will listen with compassion and non-judgement you can find me on Twitter @CoachChristy or you can email me anytime at Christy61583@aol.com I would love to be a part of your support team or one of your personal cheerleaders no matter what you are going through. Until we connect again, remember I am believing in you!
I’d like to dedicate this entry to my three angels Mynde, Ali and Stacey! Thank you for all of your love and support over the years. I am incredibly grateful! Lots of love to all three of you!